Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Oscar the Grouch: TIME LORD

Having recently watched the new Doctor Who special The Waters of Mars, I have drifted to sleep these past 2 nights trying to come up with theories as to how the Doctor will regenerate. My nerdiest idea? The Master imbued the Doctor with part of his essence right before he died in the Doctor's arms - leading to the Doctor's dark turn in the most recent episode. Thus, the Master STEALS ONE OF THE DOCTOR'S REGENERATIONS... causing the Doctor grievous bodily harm and forcing him to regenerate. Another theory - he senses that his current regeneration has fallen from grace and willfully goes about the process.
As I've been thinking about Doctor Who and the 40th Anniversary of Sesame Street, it suddenly dawned on me.
OSCAR THE GROUCH IS A TIME LORD!
Ladies and gentlemen, this seems a stretch, but I do assure you by the end of this transmission, you will be as devout a believer as I was when I saw this stark evidence. LET THE PROOF BEGIN!
ITEM ONE: TARDIS
The Doctor is well known for traveling around in an obsolete time and spacecraft called a TARDIS, a less-than-clever acronym for Time and Relative Dimensions in Space. Due to a broken Chameleon Circuit (a device which normally disguises the machine to match its surroundings), the TARDIS is stuck in the form of a wooden blue 1950's style British Police Box. Oddly enough, never were police boxes constructed of wood. Apart from being able to travel back and forth through time and through all points of space (not unlike the Infinite Improbability Drive of Douglas Adams' limitless imagination) the craft is well known also for being much larger on the inside than on the outside. See for yourself:
Exhibit A: Exterior with 6'1" 10th Doctor for scale.
Exhibit B: Interior w/ Camera Crew in background for scale

Where have I seen something similar? OH YES! Oscar the Grouch's garbage can in front of 123 Sesame St.! Observe!
Exhibit C: Oscar the Grouch in Garbage Can with 5'9" Tony Danza for Scale

Exhibit D: Interior of Oscar's Garbage Can
Oscar's trash can is obviously much larger on the inside. It is said to contain, apart from the items pictured, an elephant, a swimming pool, a china cabinet, and a portal to Oscar's home planet of Grouchland. I can hear your nerdly grumblings already: "But BillChas, surely you know that Time Lords are from the Planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous at "galactic coordinates ten-zero-eleven-zero-zero by zero-two from galactic zero centre." I say it was a ruse - that Oscar was merely hiding his true home planet to live a low-profile life on a happy block full of happy neighbors singing about the alphabet in Queens, New York.
What may we infer? Oscar's trash can is a TARDIS!

ITEM TWO: REGENERATION
The Doctor's famous ability to cheat death by a process of regeneration, essentially changing of physical appearance and a general trend toward aging backward, has ensured that even 47 years into its broadcast the Time Lord abideth. Behold!
Exhibit F: The Doctor's 11 Regenerations

The Doctor changes appearance and mode of dress over his 903 years (debatable) of life. It is one of the most powerful and recognizable trademarks of any superhero. Indeed, the image of the Doctor suffering and dying only to cheat death is... wonderful to ponder. It is one of my favorite of his traits. WATCH THE DOCTOR REGENERATE AFTER CONTRACTING SPECTROX TOXAEMIA... my favorite regeneration.

And as for Oscar? Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to have your minds blown!
Exhibit G: The FIRST Oscar the Grouch (1969-1970)

Exhibit H: The SECOND Oscar the Grouch (1971-Present)
Ladies and gentlemen: YOUR MINDS ARE BLOWN! Oscar appears to have regenerated some time between 1970 and 1971. What the circumstances leading up to his apparent death are left to the imagination, but just let this shocking, STARK evidence of Oscar's Time Lordship settle in.
Still, a few questions remain. Why is he not sought out by the Doctor or the Master? Why did he leave Gallifrey? How could he have survived the Time War? Does the fact that he lives in a trash can suggest he is part Dalek? Is he still liable to fall in love with hideously bucktoothed British women with badly dyed hair and mannish eyebrows? I suppose that is the mystique of a Time Lord... and a question worth pondering.
I have no idea what I will talk about next.
This blog entry was brought to you today by the letter Q and the number 8.
Cue Doctor Who theme tune.

11 comments:

  1. But where, oh where is Exhibit E?

    Also, I thought my regeneration theory was the best. Unfortunately, I can't even remember what it is.

    -La Girlfriend

    (Can't post on my account because of stone age computer at work)

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  2. Exhibit E is in Temporal Flux. Deal with it.

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  3. But where are Oscar's companions? Sure you have smiley the worm and, most importantly Bruno the garbage can (or should I say TARDIS) carrying silent construction worker. Does each different voice actor count as a regeneration?
    So much to ponder

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  4. So does this make Slimey a companion?

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  5. I'm not sure about Slimey being a companion, but I would like to point out that the building he's entering in this screen capture looks suspiciously TARDIS-like. http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1380/865347766_94146c045d.jpg

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  6. I think Oscar *is* The Doctor in a later regeneration. Think about it, the last couple of regenerations he's asked if he's "ginger"...and the first Oscar clearly is ginger. He could have been tipped off by Dr. River Song that an upcoming regeneration will result in him becoming short, hairy, and very ginger. Perhaps The Doctor's time on Sesame Street is only a way to pass some years while working on fixing the TARDIS after it accidentally got stuck in the form of a trash can.

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  7. I was just thinking this and had to look. make total sense... how else would he keep fluffy the elephant?

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  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. But he's angry and lives in a dustbin! CLEARLY he is a Timelord-Dalek hybrid of some kind.

    Which makes sense... The Tenth Doctor interfered with Dalek Sec's 'Final Experiment' to hybridize Daleks with humans. He mixed in 'a little Timelord'... Unknown to those involved, Oscar the Grouch was created, and has lived in New York City ever since, hating everything from his bigger-on-the-inside trashcan..

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  10. Gallifreyan Asylum EscapeeNovember 10, 2011 at 6:03 PM

    He is one of the Skaro abominations, the Dalek mutations on a Time Lord subject. The Doctor mentioned their role in the Last Great Time War. Oscar's one of them, just lying low, waiting for the time to strike at the Doctor from where he least expects it.

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  11. As the Time War comes to a close, the drums cease, and all the Master hears is the Silence. THE SILENCE.

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