Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Wherein - Good Lord, I Do Believe John Hodgman Just "Tweeted" My Web Log!

It has come to my attention via an email from a complete stranger that John Hodgman, a person that I hold in no small esteem has used the social networking site Twitter to share my post about Oscar the Grouch being a TIME LORD. Imagine my current embarrassment. Here my favorite humorist has seen fit to acknowledge my understated brilliance, and I have not posted since April, failing even to complete the epic DISNEY SONG VOTE.
But then I reflect - some of the finest works of art remain incomplete. There's Stuart's portrait of George Washington:

There's Chaucer's Canterbury Tales
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And now there's Willie & Maria's Epic Disney Song Bracket.
It is now for the annals of history to decide upon its brilliance, though I may comment that anything containing a portrait of Jerry Orbach deserves any self-respecting museum's admiration.
I suppose I should offer a more recent glimpse into my life. I have recently applied to be a full-time teacher of History at the Bronx Urban Assembly Studio School for Writers and Artists at Casita Maria. Up to now, after a long and arduous battle with the New York City Department of Education, I have been a substitute teacher at various schools throughout the Mythical Kingdom of Brooklyn and the Bronx, a borough famous only for a steroid-imbued baseball team that has won to this date 937 World's Series championships and six Stanley Cups, though their claims to these hockey accolades are contentious at best.*
God-willing I will succeed in landing this position, as it has been a long-term goal of mine to teach children about the gross omissions in history textbooks, like these:
  • General Douglas MacArthur, the celebrated American general that conquered the Pacific Theater, was in fact a cyborg whose main fuel source consisted of corn cob pipes
  • Bob Dylan was the Second President of the Confederate States of America and penned All Along the Watchtower as a tribute to Abraham Lincoln
  • Christopher Columbus did not think the world round, but rather shaped like a neatly trimmed mustache
I have such a wealth of historical knowledge that I literally fear over-filling my students' brains with hard facts.
I assure you that given the current circumstances, I will have to update more frequently. And even if I don't, people may still witness Maria's and my culinary BRILLIANCE as we find out how many ways to serve the dozens of heads of lettuce we receive each week from our local Community Supported Agricultural share in Crown Heights.

*The New York [Name Withheld]s, formerly the New York Highlanders, formerly the Baltimore Orioles claimed the Stanley Cup Titles in 1620, 1980, 1981, 1982, 1983, and 2011 seasons. A little known clause in the team's charter declares them the victor in every Stanley Cup Championship in the immediate following year. And in 1620, well that was just a fluke and the Canadiens' goaltender at the time was a known alcoholic.

1 comment:

  1. You're welcome dear
    -"complete stranger" Meagan